My computer just welcomed me
back...
“Pick right back up where you
left off!” A friendly little announcement in the bottom right hand corner of my
screen.
I don’t think it really works
that way. So much has happened since the last time I took a moment to sit down
and write. That’s the funny thing about our lives and the adventures we
lead...in the moment it’s as if nothing ever really seems to change, but when
you look back on it all, everything has changed so much.
Finding the internal motivation
to put thoughts on a page has really been lacking for me as of late. Even
Christmas came and passed and with it, a plethora of opportunities for writing.
Not one of which I took.
January also came and went. It
was a good month, but an emotionally tumultuous one for me as well. In one
instance, I found myself extremely content and in the next, I was anxious about
the future, afraid of another year and the multitude of unknown situations that
came with it. Happy and scared, excited and intimidated. And of course, with
all of these feelings came another bajilllioonnnn opportunities to sit down and
write.....and again, I just couldn't get into it.
Tonight however, I feel
encouraged. I was driving home, meditating on my feelings and enjoying the warm
memories I had from this past weekend and I knew it was time. Time to end my
hiatus and put my feelings into words.
So here I am...and even though I
might not be able to “pick up right where I left off”, I can certainly do what
I’ve always done in the past – take the random musings of my mind and make
sense of them with my words.
So although it may come across as
sappy or naive…I really wanted to share what was on my mind...
.....
Taking responsibility for my
thoughts and how they affect my world has been something of a struggle for me
in the past. I was a habitual mind wanderer and always in the worst way -
meditating on the negative and not realizing that that focus
was representative in my actions.
But over the last few years I've
come to understand that being consciously responsible and aware of the energy
you put out into your world is the single-most empowering thing you can do as a
human.
Understanding your own personal
presence and the state of your intimate thoughts can help strengthen the
interactions you have not only with your surroundings, but with the people you
come in contact with on a daily basis.
I suck at this so much sometimes.
I react in the moment and say things laden with emotion, regardless of thought.
I can be abrupt, I can even be cold. Honestly, I think it probably takes years
of dedication and personal training to constantly be aware of your own thoughts
and how changing the negative ones can help shape the exchanges you have with
other people.
I want to be more patient, more
forgiving and most importantly I want to be less fearful.
Fear is absolutely crippling. It
can stop you from seizing the most beautiful day or even enjoying the most
sincere moment with another person.
Tonight when I was driving home
I realized that I didn't want fear to inhabit my decisions
or have any OUNCE of influence over the interactions I have with
others. I don’t want the fear of the future’s unknowns, the fear of
the past’s heartbreaks or the fear of a moment’s mistakes to hold me back in
any capacity.
I want to live a life of
confidence and trust. And although I forget it all the time I NEED to remember
that I am the commander of my destiny and in control of my own mind.
If I want to live a life of
assuredness, then I have to remind myself everyday that that's what I want and
adjust my energies accordingly. It all starts inside, with me.
Friends, move freely and walk
with confidence. Life is exciting and there’s a lot of good vibes out there to
take in. Don’t let a little self-doubt stop you from enjoying those things.
Don't let a negative battle of the mind or a nagging voice of insecurity stop
you from being the best person you can be.
It starts inside you - in your
mind and in your heart and hey, a little self love never hurt anyone.
Feel encouraged to be brave and
remember it when you find yourself ruminating on a negative thought. That
thought does NOTHING for you...it only debilitates you and darkens your
otherwise bright and beautiful light.
Yeah, it might sound lame but I
felt really uplifted tonight and if someone else feels uplifted after reading
this then it's all good...besides, I don't want to let the fear of sounding
like a sappy Care Bear stop me from sharing, right?
XO
